Psychologist says that ” pretending to be happy when your in pain is just an example how strong person you are”. Because you can smile even your the only one face the struggle in life.




A selfie with a hidden smile was given to me yesterday. Their smiles were covered with colorful cloth, not for fashion but for protection. Seeing them in person is very different from seeing documentaries and advocacy videos that shows their stories. 

I cant imagine how they manage to smile in spite of their condition and everyday battle with chemo, 4sessions and sometimes 6sessions a week. Yet managed to clap and dance with us while doing the salvation song after having thier last chemo this week. 

Seeing thier uncovered smile makes me hope that their not sick, but looking at their hand, holding a colorful cloth. Makes me feel glad of seeing their smile even just for a  while. Their smiles were hidden not because they’re scared, confused or sad but because of their condition. Smile!

Turn back around

He was a lot of things, but mainly he was scared. His hands trembled, and each step he took seemed to make his knees buckle. He didn’t understand what he was so afraid of. It’s been two weeks already; he supposed he could go sleep in his room. The couch was killing his back and he needed proper rest. He could go out and rent a room in a hotel instead of this, but he needed closure. What the fuck is he even thinking, he’s just going to sleep in their… in his room. All those racing thoughts in his head had gone blank when he was finally in front of the bedroom door. He couldn’t think. He just stared at the fine wood and stood still while letting the thrumming of his heartbeat consume his body.

“Fuck.” He groaned quietly as if the bubble he formed around him would pop if he talked too loud. He held the door knob and swallowed the stupid lump in his throat. Why was this so hard?  It didn’t feel right. He felt he was violating something… or someone. He rested his forehead on the door looking defeated. 

He opened his eyes and stared at the floor. The light coming from the bedroom looked pretty and bright. He wished for a shadow would pass the light, he wished for sweet laughter would come from behind. Then maybe he’d have the guts to open the damn door and take in the emptiness waiting for him. Harry sighed, having enough of his pathetic actions. The faint sound of the door opening had him holding his breath only to find the room unoccupied. Well what did he expect? For his dead girlfriend to be there?

-Joesa Palacio

Messed Up Lyrics

Said his name was Harry Styles!
And he’s bandmate is his boyfriend!
Told me they got dirty thoughts! (Oops! Can’t help it!)
Then they kissed right before us.

We said, can you take me home with you.
They asked, would you want to watch us humping?

And they banged all night to the best fan ever.
I knew every line, now I’ll sure remember
How it goes and I know that I won’t forget this
How they banged all night to the best fan ever!

Just because I could.

-Joesa Palacio

The world I loved fell apart

We were so happy back then, but happened now?

We’re teenagers, we commit mistakes and that’s normal.
Why can’t you understand that?

Maybe, you didn’t experienced this fun we’re experiencing right now because you needed to be a responsible mom to your younger siblings before. Just maybe.

But, I still don’t get it.

Can we bring back the time when everything is so perfect?

When every single day is all about fun and happiness.

Hoping that my younger siblings experienced the happy family we have before, but they can’t.

The fact that there’s only one person who can give you the smile I wanted to see on your face when you’re with us.

I’d never seen that smile.

And that’s where our world fell apart.


-Pereye, Jan Alessandra



You’ll want out once you’re in

After what happened this long semester, didn’t you think about shifting course? I’m pretty sure, you’ve think about quitting this life.

We are all tired and still tired even though the finals exam is done. And we still have tons of work to do.

When there’s just 7 days of rest from academics but your body needs 6 months of sleep.

Yes, you’re not the only one.

But you choose this because you want it.

It’s hard but you did it.

You wanna quit but you can’t.

Thinking that you can’t go back from being just a child.

The reality slapped you.


-Pereye, Jan Alessandra

They met

At first, I’m nervous. This is uncommon and wrong (I think?). They invited you. And that’s common to my family. And, I know you’re thinking that they like you more, than him. Oh! for Pete’s sake. Don’t assume too much.
I don’t know how will I’m gonna tell him. Definitely, he’ ll get mad. And that’s what happened. We had a little quarrel. But he can’t stay mad at me. You told me how sorry you are. Sweetest. And we’re good. I can feel that he’s trembling. So, I held his hand while entering the house. And he stopped from shaking. I looked at him and smiled.
Then, I saw you, sitting along with my cousins. This is what you want, right? To meet him. Because you’re arrogant, smug, conceited, boastful, proud-stomached braggart. I can’t even look at you because I was irritated with your aura.
I sat beside him, in front of you. I saw you looking at us while eating. I greeted you. You replied. And you arrogantly greeted him. What the heck, man. You’re getting into my nerves. Be thankful that he’s a pet lover.
The way how you talk to my mom, to my siblings, to my cousins and to my aunts. Wow. As if you’re really part of the family, huh? stop giving me those annoying smile. Unless, if you want me to spank you in front of him and my family.


-Pereye, Jan Alessandra


imagined things about sadness

She briskly walks in January’s rain, which drums the endless rhythm of her pain, pulling closer round her shoulder in the downpour the leather jacket he so often wore. Another day like this she can remember when he had worn the jacket, and against her he’d pressed as they stood kissing in the rainfall. The world could wash away; he was her all! No storm could stop their loving as they raced with great anticipation to his place. Before they’d even reached the bedroom door, they’d flung their rain-soaked clothes along the floor. Underneath the sheets, though cold and wet, they madly kissed. He was as passionate as winter’s storm away from which they’d run, and yet he warmed her like sweet summer’s sun! She‘s almost home; the rain has nearly died. She thinks of all the nights she lay and cried. While thinking how the rainstorm’s cold still lingers, inside the jacket’s pockets she moves her fingers. In the lining of one pocket, her fingers meet a crumpled piece of paper – an old receipt – its date from when, without a word, he’d left their town and in the city, by a drunk had got run down. The piece of paper gives her now a revelation- A high class jewelry store had been his destination. He’d planned to ask her very soon to be his wife. and bought a ring there on that last day of his life! His parents gave his jacket to her, yet she’d always guessed the worst for why he’d left. What happened to the ring? She cannot know. But now her tears with bitter sweetness flow